my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
