And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
