WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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