guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
