Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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