my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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