If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize