You're so nebulous sometimes
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
