i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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