Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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