She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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