I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I skipped work to stalk him.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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