I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
