I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
