There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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