He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
