So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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