I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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