i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
