Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
