I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
