Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to make out with him forever
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
