My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
