I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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