i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
