thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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