Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
