last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
