you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
