a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
