...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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