She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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