did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
