I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
wat bout pragnant strippers??
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
