I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
