by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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