Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
