your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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