I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
