I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
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