my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
