So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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