It's Friday. Sex?
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
