Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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