Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
