waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
