Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
