so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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