I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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