you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize