she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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