in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
