White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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