shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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