the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
