we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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