smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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