Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
