glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
