They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Bring me that man meat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
