I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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