I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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