its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
