I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
