and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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