Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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