There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
