Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
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Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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