My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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