ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
