You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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