wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
