im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
