If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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