What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
