yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
