i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
